I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
