I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
