Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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