Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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