it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
