Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
