I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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