where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
