In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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