I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
