just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
