and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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