just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
