If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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