dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
