I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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