Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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