Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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