I hope mine doesn't look like that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes