no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.