Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.