I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There r osticjed everywhere
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful