Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
