i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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