Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
