Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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