my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
