remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
