i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
