No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
