dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My dick has a subreddit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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