plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is my gift to your gina
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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