How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
