I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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