We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
