Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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