Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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