His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
