Texts From Last Night

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

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  (613): There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room. http://tfl.nu/y7ti
  Replies (17) Good night (2311) Bad night (5176)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

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  (630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7
  Replies (41) Good night (18513) Bad night (1428)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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  (413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4
  Replies (24) Good night (1428) Bad night (5100)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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  (330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr
  Replies (38) Good night (9298) Bad night (1310)
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  (408): View more from California

  we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.

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  (408): we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this. http://tfl.nu/wyn5
  Replies (22) Good night (841) Bad night (3638)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.

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  (515): His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him. http://tfl.nu/q8r5
  Replies (10) Good night (3806) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.

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  (206): Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up. http://tfl.nu/qld8
  Replies (3) Good night (1747) Bad night (1036)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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  (757): sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk http://tfl.nu/2uta
  Replies (9) Good night (2419) Bad night (1440)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies

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  (860): This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies http://tfl.nu/shv8
  Replies (7) Good night (1579) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.

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  (402): I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives. http://tfl.nu/3h74
  Replies (6) Good night (1648) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.

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  (443): Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her. http://tfl.nu/t8u7
  Replies (0) Good night (613) Bad night (503)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"

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  (910): I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!" http://tfl.nu/ji9a
  Replies (2) Good night (1010) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.

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  (781): also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lhc0
  Replies (1) Good night (514) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.

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  (574): He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions. http://tfl.nu/84tr
  Replies (4) Good night (610) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.

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  (910): Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex. http://tfl.nu/dz9o
  Replies (0) Good night (282) Bad night (84)

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