If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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