Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.

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  (702): Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever. http://tfl.nu/0wgs
  Replies (18) Good night (4339) Bad night (627)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong

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  (914): Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong http://tfl.nu/jy3c
  Replies (23) Good night (4130) Bad night (654)
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  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

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  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (13505) Bad night (1827)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.

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  (414): I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing. http://tfl.nu/kg0l
  Replies (15) Good night (2987) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex

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  (702): I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex http://tfl.nu/r82f
  Replies (3) Good night (3864) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

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  (413): How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets http://tfl.nu/sjge
  Replies (17) Good night (4954) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.

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  (402): You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair. http://tfl.nu/auy6
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (1058)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.

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  (636): Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome. http://tfl.nu/7z1r
  Replies (4) Good night (1145) Bad night (775)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it

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  (919): It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it http://tfl.nu/58vo
  Replies (4) Good night (932) Bad night (474)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I will rub McFlurries all over you.

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  (612): That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved. (1-612): I will rub McFlurries all over you. http://tfl.nu/lnlf
  Replies (8) Good night (1580) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

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  (715): Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration. http://tfl.nu/envu
  Replies (4) Good night (1309) Bad night (422)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.

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  (224): Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please. http://tfl.nu/hx0x
  Replies (13) Good night (1308) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Why are your underwear on my dining room table?

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  (904): Why are your underwear on my dining room table? http://tfl.nu/jeuq
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (237)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.

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  (978): We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement. http://tfl.nu/az5f
  Replies (3) Good night (225) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.

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  (334): We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started. http://tfl.nu/lnee
  Replies (3) Good night (246) Bad night (508)

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