the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.