oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.