woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am one with the molecules
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
