My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
