i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Every concussion has its silver lining
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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