Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
