There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
