Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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