you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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