Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
