If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
