It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i dont even know how to be here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Im part way to drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
