Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
