I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize