yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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