The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
