my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Life without a bra equals bliss.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
