that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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