i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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