she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
