I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
