how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
