you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
