she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
