he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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