I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
