Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish you could order shots online.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
