And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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