You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
