Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
