I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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