I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
