We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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