And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
