He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
