What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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