bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
