just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
