so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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