I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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